Friday, June 20, 2008


The first surprise yesterday was the phone call from my father. He called to speak to the Boyfriend (now, the Husband!) to officially welcome him to the family. I really didn't expect that, and especially with the Husband's strained relationship with his own parents, I know it meant a lot to him.

The second surprise was the second call from my best friend. We had planned to announce the wedding to our friends at dinner, but I dropped some hints when she called in the afternoon, saying that the Husband had taken the day off, and then we'd "gone out and done some things" that morning. About forty-five minutes later, she called a second time, and said, "Wait! What exactly did the two of you do this morning?!" I guess my hints had been too big.

The third surprise was another one for me. We had a lovely evening with our friends, and afterwards, at home, I was reflecting on the day. Intellectually, I had known how important marriage is, as a word. I knew that it was important for the gay community in terms of making progress toward full equality. But I hadn't realized how important it was for me, or for my friends, or for my family.

There is a wedding band on my finger. The man with whom I share my life is no longer "boyfriend" (which made the relationship clear, but seemed to minimize his impact) or "partner" (which, depending on the day of the week, sounded like a business venture or a cowboy movie). He is now my husband. To me, he was already my husband. We had made a commitment to each other before getting married was an option. And once we returned to Massachusetts, we procrastinated, because we already knew what we meant to one another, and on some level it felt silly to get married. Really, weren't we already married? But it wasn't silly at all. And that was something of a surprise.


  1. CONGRATULATIONS!!!!! That's so exciting! I wish you all the best.

  2. Congratulations to both of you. I think all of the opponents of gay marriage (or marriage equality, as I like to put it) should come to Massachusetts and see that life goes on as normal. I live in Providence, and when I drive over the border into Massachusetts, it's no different now than it was before gay marriage was made legal. The only difference is that our gay and lesbian friends and family and coworkers and neighbors feel more safe and secure, more like equal citizens.