Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Contradictions

Life is full of contradictions. I'd like to lose a little weight, but I don't want to eat any less. I want an iphone, even though I know that I hardly ever use my cell phone. These are simple contradictions, though. I'll either start a new diet, or I won't. Neither will dramatically alter my life. I'll probably keep my sad little cheapo prepaid cell phone, but if I decide to get an iphone, it won't be because I've convinced myself that I'm going to start talking on my cell phone more often. It'll just mean that I've decided the fun factor is worth the cost.

But there are bigger contradictions in life, and I'm never quite sure how to look at them.

I have an uncle who does work for Focus on the Family. I consider FotF to be a rabid hate group. But my uncle is one of the kindest people I've ever met. He's certainly nicer than I am. When my uncle and aunt first met The Husband last Christmas, my aunt gave him a giant hug and told him how glad she was to finally meet him. I feel like my uncle has made it his life's work to undermine my rights and attack my family. But he's never said anything even remotely approaching that sentiment to anyone else in my family. I've only ever been treated with love and respect, and The Husband has been lovingly welcomed.

In 2005, I made the mistake of visiting KnowThyNeighbor.org and searching through the names of people in my hometown who had signed the petition to amend the Massachusetts constitution. I found only three names that surprised me -- my father's parents, and my aunt's mother. My aunt's mother has always been friendly to The Husband and me. We've celebrated holidays and birthdays with her. My grandparents have been wonderful to me, and wonderful to The Husband. He feels comfortable with them, and they've always made him feel like a member of the family. But at the same time, they signed a document asking to take away my rights, asking to make sure that The Husband and I would never truly be family.

I made the same mistake today, while writing this post. I searched the petition list, looking for people who live on my street. I've found seven names on my small street. What am I supposed to think when I walk by those houses? Do I need to be careful of these people who wear their bigotry so proudly that they make it a matter of public record?

4 comments:

  1. I have an uncle who does work for Focus on the Family. I consider FotF to be a rabid hate group. But my uncle is one of the kindest people I've ever met. He's certainly nicer than I am. When my uncle and aunt first met The Husband last Christmas, my aunt gave him a giant hug and told him how glad she was to finally meet him. I feel like my uncle has made it his life's work to undermine my rights and attack my family. But he's never said anything even remotely approaching that sentiment to anyone else in my family. I've only ever been treated with love and respect, and The Husband has been lovingly welcomed.


    I can't help but notice in this paragraph the actions of your uncle with respect to his meeting The Husband.

    About "Know Thy Neighbor" the problem with online lists or "registries" is the always prove to be counterproductive.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Well, I'm not sure if they're counter-productive, I just have no idea what to do with the information. Pretend I don't know? Never speak to those neighbors? Try to engage in a dialogue? Let the dog poop on their lawns?

    ReplyDelete
  3. I hate it when I forget to proofread before posting.. I meant to write, I can't help but notice you omitted the actions of your uncle with regards to THE HUSBAND...

    About KTN, the only purpose of those things is to make you either angry or afraid.

    Dialogue doesn't work; The 30 Days episode is an example why.

    Let the dog poop on the neighbor's yard? Yeah perhaps but then you help validate the neighbor's fears about you.

    Don't talk to them anymore? That's a personal call. These days, talking sex and politics is dangerous, especially in this post 9/11 era.

    ReplyDelete
  4. Actually, I don't remember my uncle's reaction, I was so floored by the hug from my aunt. I've always considered her to be the more conservative one, actually. She dresses like the FLDS women. (Years ago, a family friend asked if they had "become Amish.")

    ReplyDelete