Monday, July 14, 2008

My Devious Plot to Destroy the American Family

John McCain is multi-faceted. In addition to being the cornerstone of all American marriages -- he's the cornerstone of many of those marriages presumably because he is a member of them -- he's also a groundbreaking sociologist. You thought he was busy campaigning? In his spare time, he conducts new research on adoption:

Mr. McCain, who with his wife, Cindy, has an adopted daughter, said flatly that he opposed allowing gay couples to adopt. “I think that we’ve proven that both parents are important in the success of a family so, no, I don’t believe in gay adoption,” he said.

Since none of the reputable sources on parenting information support this outrageous claim, I can only assume that John McCain has been conducting his own peer-reviewed studies on same-sex parenting. Obviously, though, John McCain is right and science is wrong.

In honor of this new information, I've compiled a short list of the ways that I behaved destructively toward the institution of family this week:
  • Baked a birthday cake for my nephew's first birthday.
  • Drove to my hometown to visit extended family.
  • Helped my parents move furniture to my grandparents' new assisted living facility.
If I keep this up, there won't be any families left for me to damage by next week!

UPDATE: John McCain isn't as opposed to gay adoption as he was yesterday. We're a marginally better option than abandoning children on the streets.


  1. The research involved McCain trying to nurse his daughter. Didn't work.

  2. I'm confused -- if a gay COUPLE adopts a child, there is a both parents situation going on. Couple = two = both. I think he may need some remedial language classes.

    And single people are allowed to adopt children, why is he not up in arms over that?

  3. Might be because he's a giant hypocrite.

  4. I've compiled a short list of the ways that I behaved destructively toward the institution of family this week

    I am shocked and appalled.

    No really, I am... I made a frowny face and typed real hard.

    It only took McC a day to flip/flop? He must be tired; I think the record is 10 minutes (his apperance on Hardball earlier this year.)